Challenges--Do We Run To Or From Them?

Today's run--20 miles in 3 hours 45 minutes.

I got up at 4:30 am this morning so I could get to the YMCA when they opened at 5:00.  I hadn't been able to get a run in since the 17 miler in the heat a couple of weeks ago.  I got to the gym and began running at 5:10.  I started out really slow and steadily increased my speed.  I did the majority of the miles at 10:20 pace.  Miles 12, 13, and 18 were where I felt the best. 

Overall, the run was okay.  I'm not a morning person, and not a morning runner either.  I don't like to eat in the morning, so I didn't have anything other than a couple of gels during the run.  I hit the day's goal of 20 miles.  Maybe because it was so early, I had a hard time feeling enthusiastic while I was doing the run.  Usually I have to concentrate to hold my emotions in check, less I burn too much energy in the early stages.  Today was just a workmanlike, get it done kind of run.  Around mile 15, I noticed that my cardio was not where it needed to be even though I wasn't going very fast.  I don't know if that was a product of not doing anything for two weeks or not.  I hope it was.

Maybe my mood has been tempered by knowing that I'm nowhere close to being prepared to run a 50 mile race through mountains.  Registration for the ultra marathon I've had my eye on is in a month or so.  Once I sign up, there's no turning back, and that's scary.  One of the reasons I decided to do the 50 mile race is for the challenge.  For me, it really is a challenge, because I'm not sure if I can finish it.  That means there's a chance of failure, and no one, especially me, wants to fail.  I'm sure there are people who go about their lives never attempting anything if theres a strong possibility of failure.  There are definitely times when playing it safe is the right choice, but I've always been a competitive person, and these days the only competition I get is with myself.  If I had the time to train properly, I'm pretty sure I could finish a 50 mile race.  As things are now, I average one run a week.  Part of my brain lights up at the challenge this presents, and another part is definitely fearful.  When it comes to physical challenges, I've never been one to shy away.